Before Your Love
by CrazyAmy
Summary: James loves Lily. Lily hates James. She goes out with Amos Diggory and it turns out bad. Typical L/J fic. Based on lyrics of Kelly Clarkson songs
1. Miss Independent

Disclaimer: I don not own any characters, only the plot. The song lyrics came from Kelly Clarkson's album.

A/N: I may have added Kelly Clarkson lyrics to the conversation, or in the text, or might've just put it in as a song fic. The plot was based on the song.

Chapter One: Miss Independent

Lily Evans was the most popular girl at Hogwarts. She was also the most beautiful, with her long red mane and emerald green-eyes. Her life at Hogwarts was perfect. She was Head Girl. She had great grades, loyal friends, and a boyfriend. Wait, scratch out that last part.

You see, just because Lily was popular, doesn't make her a slut. She was picky on who she went out with, and if you were chosen, you were VERY lucky. Lily was Miss Independent. Miss Self Sufficient. Miss Keep-You-Distance. She was Miss Unafraid. Miss Out-of-Her-Way. Miss Don't-Let-a-Man-Interfere. She was Miss On-Her-Own. Miss Almost Grown. Miss Never-Let-a-Man-Help-Her-Off-Her-Throne. And she thought that by keeping her heart protected she'll never ever feel rejected.

Everyone wanted to date her, but no tried as hard as James Potter. James and the Marauders were the most popular boys in the entire school. Natural pranksters, Lily often fell as victim to their pranks. That was one of the reasons she never said yes to James. Lily absolutely despised James Potter. He was the most arrogant, conceited, snob she had ever met.

The 7th years were already three months into their last year. Lily was walking down the corridor with her best friend, Ella Logan.

Ella and Lily met in their first year and they instantly clicked. They were both Gryffindors, just like the Marauders. You would never see one girl without the other. They had a loyal and true friendship that nothing could break.

"Okay, Miss Head Girl, are we going to have a Christmas Ball this year?" Ella asked.

"Oh of course, Ella. It'll be wonderful!" Lily replied.

"Wait a second Evans, I don't remember the Head Boy agreeing to having a Christmas Ball," said a voice behind Lily. It was James, the Head Boy.

"He would've, if he'd been paying attention during meetings to my words rather than my chest," Lily said.

"The Marauders and Ella laughed.

"Ah, I see, Evans. Since we're going to have a Christmas Ball, how about the Head Boy and Girl go together?" James asked.

Lily stopped walking and turned around to face James and the rest of the Marauders.

"Potter, how many times have you asked me out?" Lily asked in annoyed tone.

"Today? This week? This school year? In our entire lives?" 

The Marauders and Ella laughed.

Lily made an annoyed 'Ugh' sound, turned around, and walked off. Ella followed her.

"Nice try, mate," Sirius, James best friend, said. He patted James's back and walked off to class. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew said the same and walked off.

"Why won't you go out with me Lily?" James said to himself.


	2. Beautiful Disaster

Chapter 2: Beautiful Disaster

The head Boy and Girl announced the upcoming Christmas Ball to the entire school. Everyone was excited, even the first and second years, who weren't even allowed to go. Lily had been asked by a lot of guys, but she hadn't said yes to anyone. Ella was going to go with Sirius Black. Lily totally unapproved of her decision because of Sirius' player reputation, but Ella completely ignored her. James had already asked Lily 40 times, but he began to back off once the Quidditch season started.

Lily was walking by herself to the Great Hall for lunch.

"Lily! Lily, wait up!" a voice shouted.

"Look, Potter, I'm not going to go to the Ball with you," Lily shouted back.

"Lily, it's Amos!" Lily suddenly turned around to see Amos Diggory running towards her. Amos Diggory was the 2nd most popular guy in Hogwarts. If a girl couldn't get James Potter, she went straight to Amos. Amos was a great looking man and had a great body. He was the Seeker for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.

"Oh, Amos, I'm sorry! I thought you were Potter," Lily said. Amos finally reached her.

"No problem hun. Look, I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time now…and since this is our last year…I was wondering if you would want to accompany me to the Christmas Ball," he said.

She smiled. "I'd love to go with you, Amos."

"Perfect! How about I walk you to the Great Hall?"

Amos and Lily walked towards the Great Hall, talking about school activities and such. They walked into the Great Hall together and went their separate ways after saying good-bye.

James was glaring at the pair of them as they walked into the room. He began to mash up his mashed potatoes even more as Lily came to sit down. The only reason she was sitting with them was because Ella was going to go to the Ball with Sirius. He was trying to get her to be his girlfriend. Lily took a seat next to Remus, across from Ella.

"Guess who I'm going to the ball with," Lily said in a cheerful sing-song voice.

"Who? Who!" Ella said. The guys were suddenly interested in the girls' conversation.

"Amos Diggory."

"WHAT?!?!" shouted James.

"I'm going to the Christmas Ball with Amos Diggory," Lily said slowly as if she were talking to a three-year-old.

"You can't Lily, you can't! He is the ENEMY!"

"Potter, don't tell me what I can and cannot do, and I don't give a damn who's enemy he is."

"He has a point Lils," Ella said.

"Excuse me?" Lily said.

"I mean, Amos has a bad rep. Even worse than Sirius's."

"Hey!" Sirius said.

Ella ignored him. "We've heard from millions of girls what happens when you go out with Amos Diggory. He gets what he wants, then dumps you! C'mon Lils! Use your head. You don't know what he's after!"

Lily looked thoughtful. "But he's so beautiful!" she said pleadingly.

"Yeah, a beautiful disaster."

The girls were silent for the rest of the meal. The boys got into another Quidditch conversation, though James was unsually silent. 


	3. Just Missed the Train

Chapter 3: Just Missed the Train

As the weeks passed for the upcoming Ball, Lily and Amos got closer. They were the most cutest couple in the school, and James didn't like it one bit.

_I've been trying to get her since our 4th year and she always says no,_ thought James. _And the first time Diggory asks her, she just says yes! _James didn't know why he liked Lily, he just did. No other girl compared to her. Whenever he was around her, he just felt like he had to prove something to her.

James was sitting with the Marauders, eating dinner. Ella was with them too. Lily was down at the other end of the table, sitting with her usual group of giggling girls and Diggory. James was fed up with watching Lily all over Amos. He winced every time he saw them kiss each other. Watching them was a major loss for his ego.

"I'm sick of this," James said. "I'm going to be in the dormitory if you need me." He stood up and walked out of the Great Hall.

"He really does like her, doesn't he?" Ella asked.

"Yeah, he sure does, the poor guy," Remus answered.

James walked up to the portrait of the Fat Lady and gave her the password.

"Why so glum?" she asked.

James ignored her. He walked through the common room into the step leading up to the dormitories. He opened the door to the 7th dorm. It was a pig sty. Clothes everywhere, scattered parchment, broken quills. I was a wonder the guys could find anything. But James knew exactly where the thing he was looking for was located. He bent down to the floor, looked under his bed, and there it was. A muggle thing called a CD. He heard that Lily's favorite music artist was a muggle singer called Kelly Clarkson and he wanted to give it a shot so he bought it at a muggle mall. It was pretty good music in James's opinion. He liked most of her songs, but his absolute favorite was once called "Just Missed the Train." It was a very depressing song about a person being too late to tell the person he loved that he loved her. James loved the emotion Kelly sang with. Right now, that song was the perfect song to play.

He walked to a large mess of clothes on one side of the room. He threw some clothes off and there was a table with a wizard stereo on it. James popped in the CD, said a spell to play the muggle item, and lay down on his bed.

  
We're over baby  
The time has come  
To make a little bit more room  
I've hung around you  
It's getting tough  
I think I'm gonna break down soon  
Cuz I remember   
Crying in the park  
It was getting dark  
Suddenly I looked up  
You were my sky  
  
So go on  
And sleep darlin  
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream  
It's cool baby  
It doesn't matter anyway  
Well I'm so sorry  
Down to the station a little too late  
Such a shame  
Just missed the train  
Just missed the train

Yeah. James "got to the station a little too late" to tell Lily the way she made him feel. James "missed the train." He missed the chance to tell Lily everything. He missed the chance to ever be with her.

Be quiet angel  
Don't make a sound  
Just save it for a rainy day  
Oh can't you see me  
I'm such a mess  
Just trying hard to find my way  
You remember wasting all the time   
We were feeling fine  
But we couldn't walk the line  
We were all right  
  
So go on  
And sleep darlin  
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream  
It's cool baby  
It doesn't matter anyway  
Well I'm so sorry  
Got to the station a little too late  
Such a shame  
Just missed the train  
  
Oh why let strangers pass us by  
Didn't anyone see we were so damn in love  
And we would've made it on time  
  
Yeah  
Yeah  
Yeah  
  
So sleep darlin  
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream  
It's cool baby  
It doesn't matter anyway  
Well I'm so sorry  
Got to the station a little too late  
And sleep darlin  
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream  
It's cool baby  
It doesn't matter anyway  
Well I'm so sorry  
Got to the station a little too late  
Such a shame  
Just missed the train

James felt so bad after listening to the song. His heart was broken. For the first time in his life, he could actually relate to the song. He fell asleep, listening to the song over and over again.

***

Lily was walking back to the Gryffindor Common Room by herself. It was pretty late, and she shouldn't have been out. She and Amos had a little snogging session in an empty classroom earlier that night. Amos had to go his separate way to his own Common Room.

Lily was so happy she was with Amos. He made her happy and cheerful all the time and she loved this feeling.

When Lily went into her dorm, everyone was already asleep. Ella wasn't in her bed. 'Ah well,' Lily thought. 'She's probably off with Sirius.' It was 1 A.M. 

Lily got dressed into her pajamas and lay on her bed.

She was beginning to think that she loved Amos.

***

James woke up in the darkness of the light. He turned his head to see the alarm clock. It was 1:15 A.M. James was starving; he needed to get food. He got up and looked around. His other three friends were peacefully sleeping. He got his invisibility cloak and put it over himself, then exited the room. He ambled through the corridors walking quickly to the kitchens to ask food from the house-elves. He passed a corridor of empty classrooms and suddenly passed one that wasn't empty. He walked to the door to get a closer look.

It was two people snogging. James tried to get a look of the two people. 

It was Amos. But it wasn't Lily with him, it was Ella.

James wasn't so hungry anymore.


	4. Anytime

Chapter 4: Anytime

James couldn't believe what he saw that night. He was sitting in Transfiguration. He hadn't told anyone what had happened, but he needed to tell Lily right away. He had tried to tell Lily, but she was always with Amos or Ella. James didn't want to tell Lily at all, for he knew it would break her heart. She was so happy when she was with him. But if he told her, she would be grateful to him. She would break up with Amos and become his girlfriend. James didn't know what he was going to do.

A week later, it was the beginning of Christmas holidays. The Christmas Ball would be that night. Everyone was excited about it. The girls spent the day locked up in their dormitories, getting ready for the big night. The guys spent the day flying, or by the lake. 

The school was waiting outside of the Great Hall. The doors opened and the school flooded into the room. Music wasn't on yet. James was talking to the D.J. He asked him to play a specific song for the first dance.

"Good evening, everyone," Dumbledore exclaimed cheerfully. "Let's get this party started, shall we?"

Everyone cheered and clapped.

"Okay. Let's have the Head Boy and Girl, start things off for us." Every year, the Head Boy and Girl had to have the first dance.

The crowd made a circle in the dance floor. Lily left Amos and walked to the center. People parted in front of her. James was already there, wearing a stunning tux. He didn't have a date. Lily looked absolutely beautiful in her dark blue glittery gown. It accentuated her curves perfectly.  

James held out his hand and Lily took it. Lily put her hand on his shoulder and James put his on her back. 

"You look wonderful," he said quietly.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she replied. The music started.

"Hey, I know this song! It's my favorite!" Lily said.

"I know you did, so I asked the D.J. to play it for us,"

"Thanks James," she said. 'She said my name!' thought James.

"No problem Lily," he replied. She got closer to him and put her head on his shoulders.

As Kelly began to sing, James did too, quietly in her ears. His warm breath in her ears made Lily's spine shiver. She had never been this close to him before.

Anytime you feel like you just can't hold on   
Just hold on to my love and I'll help you be strong   
But you're so afraid to lose, and baby I can't reach your heart   
I can't face this world that's keeping us apart   
When I can be the one to show you   
Everything you missed before   
Just hold on now, cause I can be the one to give you more   
Let you know   
  
Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side   
Just let me be the one I can make it alright 

Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart   
I can make it alright   
  
I look into your eyes, and I feel it coming through   
And I can't help but want you more than I want to   
So baby take all of your fears, and cast them all on me   
'Cause all I ever wanted is just to make you see   
That I could be the one to give you   
All that you've been searching for   
Just hold on to my love, and baby let me give you more   
You know, anytime   
  
Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side 

Just let me be the one I can make it alright   
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart   
I can make it alright   
  
And now there's no way out   
And I can't help the way I feel   
'Cause baby you're the fire and I'll be waiting right here   
You know my love is real, baby  
Yeah yeah yeah  
  
Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side, you know  
Just let me be the one I can make it alright (I can make it al, make it al, make it alright)  
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart   
I can make it alright, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah  
  
Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side (I'm on your side)  
Just let me be the one (let me be the one let me be the one let me be the one alright)  
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart (you're in my heart)  
I can make it alright

Lily looked up into James's eyes as the song ended. She didn't know what kind of emotion was twirling inside them, but she knew she caused it.

"I mean it, Lily. I really do," James said to her. 

There was no type of emotion in her face that he could recognize. But he knew if there was an emotion inside of her, it wasn't one that he was hoping for. Lily looked away.

"Thanks for the dance, Potter," she said before she walked off to find Amos.

_It didn't work_, James thought. _She must hate me even more._

He walked to a corner of the Great Hall where there was an empty table. He sat in a chair for the rest of the night and watched other people having the time of their life. Peter was dancing with a girl who didn't take interest in him at all. Remus was nibbling on a girl's ear. Sirius was walking around looking for someone. He didn't see Lily at all.

James checked his watch. It was 11 P.M. 

"I guess it would be safe to leave," he said to himself. He got up and walked to the entrance. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. The music stopped playing. The people stopped dancing. All the attention was focused at the other side of the room, where a red head was screaming her head off.


	5. The Trouble with Love Is

Chapter 5: The Trouble with Love

"You son of a bitch!" Lily screamed. She was oblivious to the people around her.

"Lily, look-" Amos was sitting in a corner of the room with Ella in his lap.

"I am looking! I go off to talk to Professor Dumbledore and I find you snogging my best friend!" she shouted even louder.

"Lily-"

"You shut up!" Lily rounded on Ella. "And you! Slut! _You _were the one that told me not to get with him! You hyprocrytical hoe!"

Ella rolled her eyes. Lily was trying very hard to hold her tears back.

"You're my best friend! We knew each other since our 1st year!" Lily said. She was still shouting, but she had an unbelieving tone in her voice.

"Yes," Ella replied. "And ever since our first year I was known as _Lily Evan's best friend_ or _the girl who's always following Lily._ I'm sick and tired of it, Lily! I'm sick and tired of you getting good grades, _you_ getting all the guys, YOU getting ALL THE ATTENTION! For once in your life, Lily, what you want, doesn't want you back. He wants ME. Sweetie, you gotta get what you want, so I did."

"You bitch!" Lily said. Ella laughed. "And I almost thought I loved you," Lily said to Amos. "I never want to talk to you again!" She turned around and walked back to the Common Room.

***

James pushed through the crowd to get to Lily. He was just a few feet away from her. He examined the scene. Amos and Ella had been caught. Lily walked past James. She looked so calm. How the hell can she act like that? Most girls would've cried a long time ago. But Lily was strong and brave, and of course, hiding her feelings. James followed Lily outside. Lily was about seven feet in front of James.

"Lily!" James screamed.

Lily didn't stop, but turned her head back to see who was following her. James could see tears falling down her cheeks.

"Look Potter," she shouted, "I'm not in the mood to snap back at your stupid comments at the moment."

"Lily, hold on! Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine and dandy, Potter. Now will you leave me alone so I can walk back to my room?"

"Fine, I'm walking with you."

"Whatever."

James and Lily walked to the Gryffindor Common Room in silence. James sat down on the recliner in front of the fire. Lily ran upstairs. Twenty minutes later, James heard something being dragged down the step leading into the girls' dormitories. The next minute, he saw a trunk floating in mid-air, and Lily pointing her wand at the trunk, her face covered by a pile of clothes and stuffed animals.

"Where are you going?" James asked. He got up and walked over to Lily. He took the pile out of her hands.

"Oh, I'm going to be sleeping in the Head bedrooms for the rest of the year," Lily said. "I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not. C'mon, we better get your stuff over there before the rest of the school sees us." 

Lily led the way to the Head Room. The Head Room was a mini-Common Room for the Head Boy and Girl, plus prefects, to have meetings. The Head Room was also connected to two bedrooms for the Head Boy and Girl. They brought her things to one of the bedrooms and went back into the mini-Common Room. It was decorated in red and gold, for the Gryffindor colors. Lily sat down on the couch and opened the book she had brought down. James sat across from her, staring at her.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Lily asked, looking up from her book.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?" he asked.

Lily looked at the ground. "Um, yeah, I'm fine," she answered a little too quickly.

James gave her an unconvinced look. Lily looked at him and back to the ground.

"Okay, okay, I'm not fine," Lily said. She looked up, but refused to look at his eyes.

"I'm angry, in shock, confused…" she said. James kept quiet.

"It's funny…I actually thought I loved him." James laughed. "I always believed that love was a many splendored thing…you can't deny the joy it brings.  The guy would give you a dozen roses and a diamond ring. And you would live out your dreams; it would be like a fairy tale. It'll make you hear a symphony and you would want the world to see. But I didn't know it was like a drug and it could make you blind. It could fool you every time."

"I was a fool, it's true," Lily continued. "I played the game by all the rules. Now my world's a deeper blue. I'm sadder…but I'm wiser too…. Every time I turn around, I think I got it all figured out…. My heart keeps callin'…and I keep on fallin' over and over again. This sad story always ends the same…me standing in the pouring rain. It seems no matter what I do…it tears my heart in two."

"The trouble with love," James finally spoke. "It can tear you up inside. Make your heart believe a lie. But it's stronger than your pride. Love doesn't care how fast you fall, but you can't refuse the call. You got no say at all. That's the trouble with love."

James looked into her eyes. They were filled with so much pain. Lily's face looked thoughtful.

"You're talking like it's happened to you before," Lily said. 

James smiled at her. "I think I have a faint idea of what's goes on." She smiled back at him.

"Well, I guess I'll be going now," James said. He got up and walked to the door. Lily's eyes followed him.

_I swear I'll never love again, _Lily thought. _I swear my heart will never mend. Love isn't worth the pain. But then I hear it call my name…_

"Lily?" James said from the doorway. Lily looked up at him, realizing he was still there.

"Good night," he said. Lily smiled at him, and he walked out the door.


End file.
